Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Twelve Hours

At first it seemed that three weeks would be plenty of time. Now that it's at an end, it feels not nearly enough. There's still some crap to deal with in the apartment, but Cathy promised that she will take care of everything. I can't say enough good things about her. It'll be great when she moves up to San Diego in a couple of years!

Kurt took me to dinner tonight, and tomorrow he'll pick me up at the car rental place to take me to the airport. I'm sorry I haven't seen more of him, but then again, I probably wouldn't have been able to anyway. Every day was pretty draining, both emotionally and physically.

The other day, I left OSM's and drove around, looking at familiar old places. Some of them, I'd forgotten about until I passed by (as in, "Oh, yeah! Olav and I 'parked' behind that building once!") and the road wound its way past Punchbowl. I haven't been there since I was a child.

Everything is high tech now. I checked their computer and got a printed map that showed me where Aquim's grave is. I went to his funeral, but didn't attend the burial. I parked my car and clutching the map, glanced at the headstone beside me to see which way to go...and it was right there. Even though I meant to find him, it was so surprising to have his grave right beside me that I started crying.

It wasn't just being sad over his death, but just how when he was killed, it was like the last of my innocence. Before that, things were difficult, but there was always something funny to remember. And after, I was sad for quite a long while. Kind of like now...I feel sad. I feel as though I'm not getting anything accomplished. I'm restless and too tired to move.

I sat there for a long time, until it started to rain. As I drove away, there was a rainbow in the valley below. Something good always happens, it just sometimes takes a while.

1 comment:

  1. Being home will help, and it will all have been worth it. There are rainbows here, too.